A Broken Prayer

Many of you have requested a copy of the poem that we read at the service we had for Haddie, so I decided to post it to my blog.

 Though it seems woefully insufficient, I want to thank those of you who have prayed for us, encouraged us, served us, made food for us, and just loved us. 

It means so much more than my words could ever convey.

A Broken Prayer

Sitting here, attempting to pray,

Yet so many things get in the way,

If my heart is honest, open and true,

I’m not quite sure I want to meet with You.

A grudge, a root has taken hold,

Towards you my Lord, my God of old.

You, the sovereign of all things,

Who has chosen, upon me, this cup to bring

Who could have mercifully allowed it to pass,

Could’ve granted us the joy of life at last.

Instead again its sorrow we await-

A beautiful life, to so swiftly abate.

And we, left here, to weep, to mourn,

“Why again to us have you given this thorn?”

A weight, a burden beyond heavy to bear,

A grief so deep, none able to share.

My selfish mind envies, covets, compares,

The happy good of others to mine so unfair.

How can we faithfully walk through these days?

When our life is filled with abundant loss and pain?

My heart cries again,"Take this cup away!"

And yet I know that mine isn’t Your way.

My way seeks comfort- a life of happiness and ease,

But You, oh Father, are willing to sacrifice these.

For holiness of heart, a hope that draws me to thee,

For a glory far greater, for a good I’ve yet to see.

Yes, you’ve proven it over, time and again,

That your greatest blessings aren’t of this land.

Your desires for those you call you own,

Isn’t the fullness of an earthly home.

You love your children too much to give

Only happy pleasures and worldly thrills.

Better’s the unshakeable peace and steadfast hope that will last

Beyond a time when this tent has passed.

But these greatest gifts come as we walk through the fire,

For only then can you refine our heart’s true desires.

Though it should be You, God, who is worthy alone,

A love for this world, for its idols is shown.

For this cause you’ve bestowed on the saints come before,

Great suffering and trials to stir a hunger for more,

That they may supremely love you, not people or things of this world,

And fix their eyes, their lives upon your heavenly shore.

So as I struggle, and wrestle, so deeply within,

To love my baby girl until her brief life may end.

Please gently open my soul to accept your plan,

To trust all that comes forth from your faithful hand.

To bring my broken heart to the place where your Son,

Was given for me, so unworthy a one.

To rest in the knowledge that the greatest loss ever felt,

Was the one YOU suffered to redeem the precious people you beheld.