I'm pretty sure we've all played it. Sitting at a restaurant, waiting on food to come or desperate for entertainment on a long car ride.
We've all answered that infamous question: "Would you rather...?"
Some are simple and easy, "Would you rather go on vacation to the beach or the mountains?"
And some are just downright disgusting. "Would you rather eat 100 hissing cockroaches or chew 25 dirty fingernails?" (Yep, I live with middle school boys...)
Yes, I can think of many times when I was faced with that infamous decision. And yet, it's never really all that hard to answer, right? They're merely a form of entertainment, but no one ever really takes it all that seriously, do they? I mean, let's face it, most likely I'll never be required to eat 100 hissing cockroaches or fingernails and I'll most likely never have to decide between bungee jumping from the Eiffel Tower or the Golden Gate Bridge.
But what about the more real life "Would You Rather?" questions?
What about the ones that live within our hearts...?
No, that's not right, I think it's actually more like "Wouldn't You Rather...?"
Its almost an afterthought, or a subconscious question that weighs down our soul when life goes awry. Like when you don't get into the college you've been working toward. Or when the boy or girl that you like doesn't return your feelings. Maybe that raise at work isn't as much as you were counting on it to be. It's definitely present when the doctor's diagnosis isn't good and there's not much hope of physical recovery.
It's in those moments that I find myself asking, "God, Wouldn't you rather...? Lord, wouldn't you rather heal him from all of this, make his body well? Or wouldn't you rather me get to go to the college I've worked to get into for all these years? God, wouldn't you rather let that boy (or girl) share my affections so we can be married and live happily ever after... for You? (sometimes throwing in a little religion seems to make the desire seem more justifiable..)
... but the deeper question isn't circumstantial. The deeper question I find myself asking is this:
"Wouldn't you rather do it MY way, God? Wouldn't you rather do it like this, the way that I think is best?"
I can think of many moments in life that I have wrestled with this. Wrestled with why God wouldn't just let me have what I want, especially when those desires are a seemingly good thing. The salvation of a lost friend, a new job, a godly husband, a precious child.
Each time, I find myself asking, "Wouldn't it just be better THIS way God...?"
And each time, I am revealing the depravity of my own heart.
I reveal the lack of trust that I have in God's plans, in His unlimited wisdom and power.
Matthew Henry writes in his book The Quest for Meekness and Quietness the attitude of a heart that is surrendered to God's sovereignty,
"Let Him do what He will, for He will do what is best; and therefore if God should refer the matter to me, says the meek and quiet soul, being well assured that He knows what is good for me better than I do for myself, I would refer it to Him again."
How wonderful it would be to live this way, to have this attitude every time life throws me a curveball, every time something happens that seems unfair or wrong. It's hard.
Very Hard.
Even this week, I have been reminded that each time a new difficulty arises, whether its as simple as an unexpected leaky roof or as monumental as the loss of a close family member, I am left with the choice...
"Would you rather trust God? Or live in bitterness that it didn't go your way?"
"Would you rather learn how to love God more and grow in this difficulty? Or be angry that He didn't give you what you wanted?"
Ultimately, as I look back over my brief life, I can say with confidence, that I would rather have His plan. Even through the hardest, messiest, most heart-wrenchingly painful plans, He has been faithful to reveal some of the most beautiful results and has grown my trust and love for Him in some of the deepest ways, as I walk in surrender and faith to Him.
My prayer is that each time we're faced with things we'd rather not have to go through, be it a small inconvenience or a life-changing reality, that we would preach to our hearts the words of David from Psalm 56:
"... This I know, that God is for me.
In God whose word I praise,
in the Lord, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid."
